What Can I Say Realy???

There are very few people in life that I feel that I can trust. I don't give my trust easy due to the fact that I have had it betrayed so many times. Today, I discovered that I had trusted the wrong person yet again. This time the pain and anger is so great, that I am on the verge of causing physical harm to the person in question. Now if you know me, you will know that I vent and carry on, but when I get hurt I normally just withdraw and let things cool off or get revenge in a peaceful, untraceable way. At the moment, all I want to do is cause physical harm and that makes me feel sick. It makes me wonder if I am turning into my father. I guess I should explain...

A so-so start to the weekend...

It was decided on Friday night that we would go to my mothers yesterday for the weekend. I thought it was a good chance to get out of the house and score some free food. I knew that I had the potential to be a bad weekend the minute we arrived. The look on my mothers face said that she was on the verge of causing trouble. After being dragged around looking at curtain fabric(I know it was for out lounge room, but there are only so many rolls of material I can look at before I go mad), followed by a trip to the hardware to get something for my step father and picking up a few packets of seeds, we returned for lunch. The whole time we were out, I kept asking my mother to take me to look at paper for the engagement invites (I really need to get started on them), but she always seemed to have a reason to not go.

Comments do hurt...

When we had finished lunch, my step father decided to pick on me about all the plants that died when I first brought them home. I will declare here and now, I killed those plants through neglect due to the fact that I was lazy and just didn't give a fuck. I have now pulled my self out of that and are making a massive effort. That is why I spend most days in the garden growing herbs, fruit and veggies. Well, this hurt so I bit back(mildly), and just put it down to him being him. He has always been a bit of a cunt with the things he says, but we normally just let it slide because he does have some good points (I thought).

Ah Peace and relaxment (kinda)...

The day progressed with Mum, My Prince and I doing some potting and washing...in other words, just having a typical weekend. I was quite good, even when my prince went to have a lay down, mum and I just chatted about shit. Why was it so good and relaxing? My step father was in back yard or watching tv in the other room so he wasn't around putting his 2 cents worth in. We ate a good tea, and did some more planning for the engagement party and just continued relaxing. Even though my mother had spent the day niggling at me, it was all going pretty good, and I figured that my original feeling had been wrong.

Some days you just should stay in bed...

I woke up feeling like shit today. Had a head ache, back pain and just felt out of sorts. After eating breakfast, all I wanted to do was wake up a bit more and spend the day pottering around. Instead my mother dragged us down the street to look at this that and everything else. When we got back, mum and my step father started arguing with each other and everyone for some reason. I just walked in and sat down. Not even 5 minutes later, Christine (who I have told you about) turned up. Mum went the back and my step father stayed out the front. While Christine was still there, I decided to put some more clothes in the dryer. Mum walked in with a look of murder on her face and disappeared into her room. As soon as Christine had left, I went to see what was wrong. She wouldn't answer me until I pushed. It was then that she turned around and said "Why do you have a bill the the court for $500?". I thought what the fuck? How did she know about that. I said I don't and she said my step father had found it in my car along with an over due note for my power. That is when I saw red. I turned around asked what he was doing looking in my car. She said that they had been sitting on the back shelf. BULL SHIT!!!

I went and spoke to my prince and the two of us went out to the car. It turns out that both things were in the front of the car in envelopes. For anyone to see them, they would have to open the door, go through a pile of papers and pull them out of their envelopes. That made me even madder. What right did he have to go through my car, look at my PERSONAL papers, and tell my mother what was there. I put everything from the front of the car in the boot, walked inside and had a shower. Once both my prince and I had finished showering, we packed all our stuff together and got ready to leave. In the whole time we were doing all of this, neither my mother or step father came anywhere near us. Once it was all packed, I decided to tell my mother I was leaving.

She then went on to say that I should explain. After telling her a few carefully picked stories, I went I to tell her that my step father had lied about where he found the papers. She then informed me that she would be telling him to move out. This came as a little bit of a shock, but really I am not supprised.

You may be sitting there thinking so what? Its just a family disagreement, get over it. Well it is a little bit more complicated than that. You see the house I live in is owned by both my mother and step father and we rent it off them. If they split, the house will probably be sold and we will be out on our arses. Mind you, even if they don't split, we probably will be out any way. My mother has a bad habit of choosing everyone over me.

On top of that, it is more that a family disagreement. My mother is a few ants short of a picnic, and she blows things way out of proportion. Plus I am so angry at the two of them, that I is looking a bit like I now have no family after recently disowning my biological father. That means that I am on the verge of being Homeless, Familyless and almost Friendless.

I cannot take much more of all the shit that is going on in my life at the moment, and don't know how long I can continue on. Ah well, I am sure that I am being a winger and things will be ok ect, but it really doesn't feel like it. Stay tuned if you are at all interested in seeing what happens with all this...